


Secretly

by Phydeau



Series: Best Friends Forever [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phydeau/pseuds/Phydeau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alessandra offers Ashley some support while she cries over her ended relationship with Jake. The endeavor causes Alessa to take a trip down memory lane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secretly

**Author's Note:**

> I am openly welcoming all constructive criticisms, advice, comments... whatever it is, I'm all ears =)

She looks to the floor, thoughtful for a moment and I suddenly realise this is the most I've ever seen of her at once. Truly seen of her, that is. Usually, Ash is very adept at hiding her true emotions only showing what she wants to. Most times, it means I'm spell-guessing my way through our conversations- conversations that are sensitive- like the one we are having right now.

"I- I know..." I hear a groan as her voice trails off.

We are seated on Ash's bed in our shared dorm room, and have been for hours while she works her way through the painful breakup. It is only painful for her... Jake is probably getting drunk somewhere, making out with his new girl friend.

It is not often that I have the patience to keep quiet. Added to that, my hyperactivity does little to temper and train me in holding back. However, as I watch Ash's inner turmoil with whatever demon it is she is wrestling with, I find myself oddly tranquil.

"Ashley," I hear myself say. My voice has an eerily calm tone to it. One I don't think I've ever been privileged to hear "Ash, look at me."

It takes her a moment, but eventually those murky blue orbs I have secretly fallen and lost myself in for years, look at me. I take a deep breath. Suddenly, whatever it is I had wanted to say escapes me.

This is not unusual, I doubt Ash even realises the effect she can have on me simply by looking in my eyes. Hell, if she hasn't noticed I've been crushing on her since forever, why would she?

"Listen to me. It's not your fault." I know some part of me- the good part of me- is what has been preventing me from taking advantage of my best friend in her moment of vulnerability. Not that it would be reciprocated- this is why I've happily sat by her as her best friend for 3 years.

"But-" she begins and I cut her off with a finger lightly pressed to her lips.

"No buts. He's just another experience. You know, one you get to grow from; one you know you can do better after. Now, stop blaming yourself." I hug her again and feel her nuzzle my neck, her arms draped around my mid. Her tears had already dried leaving tear-stained cheeks, but her nose was still moist and I could feel it damp against my skin.

Times like these I wish I had more guts than brain, but I don't. So I keep holding her, happy I can at least do so, sad that that's all I can do and that it's under a guise.

Eventually, I feel her breaths even out and I know she has- as usual whenever something like this happens- fallen asleep. Combing my fingers through her hair, I gingerly rest her on her bed where we have been sitting for the past two hours as she cried over her ass of an ex-boyfriend Jake.

Am I even remotely jealous of him? Yes, I will admit I am. He has been lucky enough to have Ash love him, and then the crap-for-brains dumbass dumps her for some flashy chic who models.

I was caught between being enraged or being gratefully thankful that he had ended their relationship. Most times, I end up wanting to rip him to shreds. If he made Ash happy- and that's all I wanted- then I hated knowing that he had hurt her like this.

Once more, I manage to tuck her into bed and then stand, watching her sleep. Okay, it might sound a bit creepy. But give a girl a break. I have been nurturing feelings for her for far too long now, and have long since passed the stage of simple infatuation. I was more along the lines of complete abandonment, which will probably explain why I can't even muster the courage to say something to her... to express how I really feel.

The thought that making such a move could lose her to me forever, is beyond comprehension. I am happy with sitting by her side as her friend, because at least that way I have some meaning in her life. At least that way I am close to her.

I watch as she rolls unto her side, causing a lock of jet-black hair to fall into her face as she mumbles something incoherent. Gently, I tuck the lock behind her ear. It isn't her natural colour by far. She has been colouring her hair black since high school and we were now freshmen in college.

For a brief moment, I can imagine her dirty blonde tresses before all the colouring. I can remember once when I had seen her natural colour the same day she had it coloured. We hadn't known each other then. Well... she didn't know me.

Apart from the hyperactivity, I have good memory- what my doctor claims as exceptional memory. I can remember with odd clarity things that even the average person fails to notice. Which is why I can say I knew of Ashley, whereas she didn't know me.

I could remember the ripped blue jeans she tucked into her high tops, and the orange and blue pinstripe Abercrombie & Fitch polo she wore in tenth grade that fateful day we bumped into each other at the mall- and by bumped, I probably should say crashed. Also, I will add, that it was all her fault. Walking and messaging should be a crime.

* * * * * * * * * *

_We barely escaped falling flat on our asses had it not been for my quick reflexes, catching her and steadying myself with her. Our shopping bags and her iphone however, had not survived as well as we did. It took her less than a second to drop to the floor and clutch the device to her chest, whispering something under her breath in the manner that you would see a mother soothe her child. I found this highly amusing and stood there staring._

_Eventually, she looked up and as if just noticing my presence, her eyes widened simultaneously with her mouth. Springing to her feet she stuttered "Ohmygosh I- I- I'm so sorry. I should have been looking where I was going."_

_"Yeah you should've..." I couldn't help but mutter, a half smile still on my face warming what could have been taken as a cold response._

_She visibly cringed slightly at my retort and quickly bent to gather the fallen items._

_"Hey, it's 'kay. Did your phone survive?" I bent and helping her. Hoping my light response would ease the flicker of guilt I had seen earlier._

_"Yeah, thanks-" she stood "for catching me before I fell."_

_"I caught myself too. Don't worry about it" I reiterated separating my bags from hers before looking her in the eyes._

_"You... you look familiar."_

_For some reason I couldn't explain, the mere fact she had somewhat noticed me made my half smile stretch into a full one._

_"Alessandra... Alessandra Freeman. We're in the same Art and History classes. That is of course, apart from the fact that we go to the same high school." I offered, a hand outstretched._

_I can see the way her murky blue eyes start to light up with recognition._

_"Oh! You're the one Mr. Waolf gave a detention for disrupting the class in History."_

_Okay, so that wasn't one of my finest moments. Yes, Mr. Waolf had indeed given me a detention. But everyone joked that I only got it because I knew more than Mr. Waolf and had the audacity to show him up in class._

_"I'm Ashley Jacobs" she said taking my hand in a firm shake._

_"Yeah, I know that-" and it's out of my mouth before I can stop it. She looks at me smugly. "What? I've got good memory. I could tell you the names of everyone in all my classes, and maybe even the weather on the first day of high school."_

_Ashley's smugness has transformed to speculation. "Really?"_

_I nod enthusiastically, simply because I am not sure how to respond and my mind has already started running rampant through all the possible responses and what her responses might be. I always over think things. This is probably why I usually spend more time talking trash than saying sensible things._

_"Well, I want to test that... you're sure you know the weather on the first day of high school? and by first day you mean-"_

_"The first day of grade nine when we just started. Yes, I'm pretty sure I can remember the weather on that day."_

_Her scepticism has grown, and she shows it plainly._

_"I wish I could test that now... but," she glances at her watch and frowns slightly._

_"But what?"_

_"I have an appointment with my hairdresser" an apologetic look has crossed her features, and at that moment I think she's probably the easiest person to read (boy was I wrong)._

_"Oh, that's okay." I say, not exactly disappointed._

_I hadn't envisioned this even becoming a conversation. The alarm on my watch goes off at the same time, and I know I have 15 minutes to make it to my own appointment._

_"I guess you can jus' take me at my word." I smile, "t'was nice meeting you Ashley. 'Bye" I wave goodbye, spinning on my heels to head to my 4pm appointment._

_Ashley bids me farewell with that doubtful look on her face, and I notice that she sets off in the same direction I am going. When passing a Wilsons Leather store, the leather fiend in me takes control and I divert to glance around for a minute._

_It takes me ten minutes to get out of the store and I have to run to make my appointment. I am mildly surprised when I see Ashley sitting on a chair waiting, if she was surprised, it never showed._

_"Alessandra?" Her tone reminds me of when my mother finds me doing something silly- as is expected of me. There is no surprise, rather, almost an odd sense of expectation._

_"Hey... weird huh? What- I mean, who are you here to?"_

_"Claude always does my hair. Wherever he goes, I would almost pledge to going with him. He is the best."_

_"I take it you have a 4:30 or 4:45... and you're always early?"_

_"Uh- yeah. How'd you know?"_

_"I have a 4pm with Claude" I smiled running my hand through my fauxhawk._

_"Changing hairstyles?" she asks, and maybe she has a point. My fauxhawk is now long enough to hang in my face, obscuring my view if I don't gel it up or curl it._

_"Naw, jus' the regular. I think my mother barely survived the fauxhawk, emblazoned with red and blonde highlights. Everyday she tells me my head looks like it's on fire. Though, she does have a point" I pout. "Claude did wonders with the highlights."_

_Ashley laughs at this and then asks "you didn't colour your hair raven?"_

_"Nope, that's natural."_

_"Cool, I'm getting mine that colour."_

_I look at her, drinking in the sight of her dirty blonde hair, wondering why she'd change the colour... and apparently I was wondering aloud, because the next thing I hear is  
"I just want a change."_

_"Trimming like mine?" I ask good-naturedly. A good number of the girls at school had started going for shorter cuts._

_"No, I like my length," she states and I agree. Her hair reaches her mid-back, I don't see any reason she should change that. "... just the colour."_

* * * * * * * * * *

Ashley mumbles something again, and I realise I've been zoning out, remembering the day when we first really met. Which later led to our becoming friends.

I am still lost in thought when she mumbles more audibly.  
"Less?"

It's almost endearing to hear her call me that, being that she's the only one who does.

I bring my eyes to her face. "Yeah? I'm here."

She looks around at me, and I can see the sadness surfacing in her eyes again. It pains me that she's hurting so much, but I'm somewhat happy she isn't hiding how she feels- laying herself bare I guess.

"Can you stay with me?"

Once more, I feel a pang in my chest and I know what it is. My heart aches every time I have to be this near to her without confessing my feelings. I take a deep breath and then nod.

The moment I climb under the covers with her, she's in my arms, curling herself into me with her head on my chest. For a fleeting moment, I have all the courage of a wild animal charging an armed human. Then, I am deflated.

There is simply no way I could say or do anything. So I just hold her closely, feeling her warm breath on my chest through my t-shirt. I wait for her to fall asleep, which, I know she will shortly because she knows I am here with her. And I will always be here with her, by her side- as close as I can get.


End file.
